ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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