does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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