Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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