Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
