Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I look better un-naked...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
