I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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