I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize