don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
