I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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