somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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