Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
