2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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