Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
