What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
