I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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