just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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