AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
