I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
