And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
