I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
