Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
