yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
