Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
