I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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