I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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