walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
