I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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