under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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