it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
