It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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