I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize