"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
