You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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