hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
