Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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