I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
