remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
