all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
