what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
