Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
a search helicopter?!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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