the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
