so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
