she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
