dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
