ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?