After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver