Texts From Last Night

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  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.

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  (352): I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself. (352): Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad. http://tfl.nu/hkrc
  Replies (41) Good night (1584) Bad night (4071)
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  (415): View more from California

  oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob

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  (415): oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob http://tfl.nu/u9lt
  Replies (3) Good night (2976) Bad night (593)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.

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  (606): There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992. http://tfl.nu/3pqb
  Replies (17) Good night (791) Bad night (3383)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.

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  (409): Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test. http://tfl.nu/4vmp
  Replies (25) Good night (1323) Bad night (4714)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.

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  (610): Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays. http://tfl.nu/bu0x
  Replies (9) Good night (3628) Bad night (1231)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

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  (519): So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok. http://tfl.nu/j1n1
  Replies (7) Good night (5210) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world

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  (703): A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world http://tfl.nu/xi7q
  Replies (42) Good night (3163) Bad night (5216)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.

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  (330): Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you. http://tfl.nu/fmxs
  Replies (38) Good night (7847) Bad night (1458)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me

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  (651): I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me http://tfl.nu/y5sm
  Replies (7) Good night (1242) Bad night (1555)
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  (650): View more from California

  Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human

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  (650): Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human http://tfl.nu/6fr0
  Replies (4) Good night (2596) Bad night (1208)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums

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  (740): I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums http://tfl.nu/g3fl
  Replies (4) Good night (1696) Bad night (685)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.

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  (208): Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch. http://tfl.nu/hfll
  Replies (6) Good night (805) Bad night (1473)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.

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  (519): I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time. http://tfl.nu/5ti8
  Replies (7) Good night (879) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.

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  (605): I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST. http://tfl.nu/w1we
  Replies (0) Good night (538) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  All. The answer is always all

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  (202): How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!? (1-202): All. The answer is always all http://tfl.nu/33z7
  Replies (3) Good night (636) Bad night (217)

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