I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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