Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
