a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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