her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
