My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
