Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
