I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
