i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
