I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
