what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
