My room smells like vodka and shame
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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