So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
