I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
