Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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