I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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