you guys were way drunker than both of me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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