Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
