i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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