ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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