I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
