I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
