Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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